I'm going to jail i love you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
