i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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