dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
