I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
