Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
