She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
