your thong is hanging out like whoa
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
