you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
