Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
