just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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