Kiss
Puke
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
