Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
only you would photoshop your dick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
