Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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