I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
