I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
