I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
