whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
