My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
