If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
