I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sorry about my life...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
