Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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