halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
be right there i have to get my cape
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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