all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
