I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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