You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
