the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
