i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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