I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
