I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
