I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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