Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
