What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
