i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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