weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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