he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
