Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
