before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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