there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
