i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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