Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drunk is not a location!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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