Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
