Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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