every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
