Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
