I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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