when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
