Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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