someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
