Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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