The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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