i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
