$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
